Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
