You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
