I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
