my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
