Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
