Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
