Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
