I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
