I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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