Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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