I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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