I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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