The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
