Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
