my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
