Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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