I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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