You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
