why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
