i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
