I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
