its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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