dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
