I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
