i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
