i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
