just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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