i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
