I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
