piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
