Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
