i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
