you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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