i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
