I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize