Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
