Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
