So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
