i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
