My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
