I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
