So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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