apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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