I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
