I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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