he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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