I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
