I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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