Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
