i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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