His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
