Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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