I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
