i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
