Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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