I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
