Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
