In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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