Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
