If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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