im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
