she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
