My first STD was from a foam party
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
