I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
