To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
