Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
