i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
