FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
