does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
