I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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