I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your tits are I can't wait for
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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